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Author Lorna Landvik & Senator John Marty

by JeffStrate on March 29, 2015 · 0 comments

Minnesota's leading progressive legislator and formost humorist appear on the current edition of Democratic Visions.

Sen. John Marty, Minnesota’s leading progressive legislator,  and Lorna Landvik, its gifted author/humorist appear on the current edition of Democratic Visions.

Author Lorna Landvik reveals that her recent novel best to Best to Laugh borrows some from her own life in Hollywood.  Minnesota’s most gifted humorist, like the Korean-American protagonist of her book, had been a stand-up comedy hopeful in L.A. who supported herself with a series of eclectic temp jobs and a residential complex injected with LaLa Land characters and urban legend.  Landvik also tells of her real-life adventures on the 3,700 miles long Peace March for Nuclear Disarmament from L.A. to D.C. in 1986.  Landvik’s quick, sharp and easy wit is a delight that is rarely seen on home flatscreens. I consider her Dem Vis appearance a satisfying stew of sly insight on being Minnesotan.  And, Dear Possums, she still shows up for an occasional demonstration.


State Senator John Marty, Minnesota’s leading progressive law maker, here makes a solid case to Democratic Visions host Tim O’Brien for SF 890 the “Worker Dignity Bill.”  Marty (DFL, Roseville) and co-author Senator Chris Eaton (DFL, Brooklyn Center) proposed legislation would extend the phased-in minimum wage increase; increase the working family credit to exceed the federal earned income tax; provide increased child care assistance to all low-income workers and, among other actions, would reform MinnCare.  SF 890 was referred to the Senate Committee on Health, Human Services and Housing on February 16 where it awaits further action.


The full version of the current Democratic Visions also includes a short segment on the St. Olaf College dedication of its memorial to civil rights martyr James Reeb.  Rev. Reeb, a 1950 graduate of the Northfield school, was murdered in Selma, Alabama fifty years ago.  He and two other activist clergy had been beaten on the evening of the “Turnaround Tuesday”  march that was led by Dr. Martin Luther King.  This demonstration had concluded with prayer on the Edmund Pettus Bridge on the highway to Montgomery, the Alabama State Capitol.


Lorna Landvik on Dem Vis


John Marty on Dem Vis –


Full Democratic Visions program



Eden Prairie, Richfield, Minnetonka, Edina and Hopkins Comcast Channel 15 – Saturdays 2:00 p.m.. Sundays 9 p.m., Mondays 10 p.m., Wednesdays 5:30 p.m.,

Bloomington – BCAT Channel 16 — Tuesdays at 2:00 p.m. & 10:00 p.m.; Fridays at 9:30 p.m.; Saturdays at 7:30 a.m. & 2:30 p.m.

Minneapolis – MTN Channel 16 — Sundays at 8:30 p.m., Mondays 3:30 a.m., 9:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m.  Program is streamed at the MTN website during cablecasts.

Champlin, Anoka,Ramsey, Andover – QCTV Channel 15Click here for schedule.


Democratic Visions is produced by Eden Prairie, Minnetonka and Edina volunteers at the Bloomington Community Access TV studio. Democratic Visions is not funded, endorsed or supported by any political party or political action committee.


MNGOP transportation plan relies on magic money

by Eric Ferguson on March 25, 2015 · 1 comment

mncapitol2The State House GOP has released its transportation plan and apparently they’re a caucus full of people who clap for Tinkerbell, given that fairies wouldn’t be a much less plausible source of financing.
The MNGOP offers to spend another $7 billion dollars on roads and bridges, without raising taxes. Speaker Kurt Daudt cited polls showing majorities want more transportation funding, but don’t want taxes to pay for it. What a surprise that the most people want more money spent on them — without any taxes. So Republicans came up with the funny money to make a play for votes, begging the question of whether they get that being in the majority means you’re supposed to actually govern. Roads, bridges, and math, couldn’t care less about what looks good on a campaign mailer.
Their sources of funding:
— $228 million from the surplus. OK, that’s the reasonable sounding part.
— $3 billion dollars from auto-related sales taxes. Not unreasonable on its face, but dedicating these to transportation means cutting $3 billion somewhere else. They seem to have left that part out.
— $2.3 billion will be borrowed. Borrowing seems to be the Republican default when they’ve promised new spending with no new taxes: let’s just run up the debt. Problem solved! Bonding is perfectly normal and reasonable for infrastructure investment, but the bonds do have to be paid eventually. No, seriously, they do. You know, like how when Gov. Dayton wanted more bonding, he was also trying to raise upper income taxes. Instead, Republicans actually want a couple billion in tax cuts. While raising spending. And besides cutting taxes equal to the surplus, remember cash source one was part of the surplus. Can no one there do math?
— $1.2 billion from making the Department of Transportation more efficient. Really. There’s that much money being wasted and no one has spotted it? Basically, since the DOT handles roads, the Republicans propose to find money for roads by cutting funding for — roads. Why make it $1.2 billion? As long as we’re just making up some amount of money being wasted, why not $1.6 billion? An even $2? Or did they need some number to produce the magic number $7?
Whatever anyone thinks of Gov. Dayton’s proposal to pay for increased transportation spending through increased gas taxes, there’s no denying that at least he pays for his proposal. A gas tax will provide an ongoing funding source, compared to the GOP plan to have new spending with no new revenue.
Daudt is right that public polls show that the majority don’t want gas taxes raised. People want more spending on what benefits them, but without paying more taxes … surprise! This contradiction is great if you’re running for election as a Republican, since your core platform is “I’ll hold down your taxes, and cut other people’s spending,” but sucks for governing. I don’t doubt there will be a lot of public support for spending more on roads without raising any taxes, but at some point, when reality has again shown its disdain for phony math, Republicans will have to explain reality to their voters. If you want your road fixed, you’re going to have to pay for it. Good transportation infrastructure and low taxes are very much either/or.
Though given how GOP taxophobia has withstood even the collapse of bridges, buckle your seat belt, because we’re in for a bumpy ride.

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Facepalm 42Hann

In a recent interview on MPR, State Sen. David Hann was asked the begged-for question on the proposal he and Sen. Sean Nienow are making to break up Minneapolis into six separate school districts. Why didn’t he talk to any legislators who represent Minneapolis? His amazing answer wasn’t anything like, “Of course I talked to them”, or “I sought their input, but they didn’t respond”, or even “I did talk to other people connected to Minneapolis schools”. No, his reason for not talking to legislators from Minneapolis is that they’re DFL. Yes, they represent the area in question, but wrong party, so he’s willing to propose bills that affect their districts without talking to them.

[This comes 5:50 into the program.]
Tom Webber: Senators who represent the city of Minneapolis, who are all DFLers, say “you can’t possibly be serious about this because you never talked to us about this.” What are your thoughts on that? Why didn’t you consult them on this idea?
Hann: I don’t recall the governor consulting with Republicans about his tax proposals or the Democrat majority in the legislature coming over to talk to me about what they want to do.

I don’t claim to know who the governor consulted about his tax proposal, but I feel on safe ground in assuming he talked to people from Minnesota. Maybe if the governor had ignored Minnesotans and just talked to people from Iowa and Wisconsin, Hann might have a point. Likewise, I feel pretty sure that if DFL legislators decided to make a law for one specific area of the state, and decided against talking to legislators from that area because they were all MNGOP, it would have been a quite commonly and unfavorably remarked upon. Hann, however, not only won’t talk to the legislators from Minneapolis just because they’re DFL, but I haven’t been able to tell that he talked to anyone from Minneapolis, and presumably he would have said who he talked to instead of coming up with such a partisan excuse, “Talk to Democrats? Do people really do that?” Rather arrogant behavior for someone making law for Minneapolis, and so concerned Minneapolis will react poorly, that though he’ll let Minneapolis draw the districts, he won’t make the redrawing optional. “So Minneapolis, you are required to implement my lousy idea I’m inflicting on you an no one else, but I’m letting you implement how you like. I’m such a nice guy!”
Minneapolis legislators I’ve checked with said he still hasn’t talked to any DFLers since that interview.
Maybe we can’t blame Hann for refusing to talk to DFLers. After all, he’s already pointed out the DFL is rife with corruption, such as daring to hold policy positions he disagrees with.
In my happy Minneapolitan fantasy, the bill passes, but Hann forgets to provide any guidelines on how districts should be drawn. So we pick a lake, divide it into five districts, and all the land makes up the sixth district.
The House version is being carries by Rep. Sondra Erickson, R-Princeton, who represents a district even further from Minneapolis than Hann’s Eden Prairie. So far, I can’t tell that either of them has talked to anyone at all from Minneapolis. If Hann and Erickson really want to help our schools, they could change state law so charter schools no longer get to suck up our money while being unaccountable to our elected representatives on the school board. They could fund Minneapolis schools enough to offer the same sort of programs they can afford in the suburban schools that get our students and our funding through open enrollment.


Savage Love: A Wanton Act of Economic Miscegenation

by Invenium Viam on March 21, 2015 · 5 comments


Tarzan primers Jane on the fundamentals of development finance using “This Little Piggy” as a model.

“Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”  ~ Warren Buffet


It’s often said that American politics makes for strange bedfellows, but the same is never said about American finance — which is expected to be licentious, incestuous, pansexual, excessive, usually perverted, and often depraved.


Don’t believe me? Then you’ve never seen The Wolf of Wall Street.


After all, there’s a reason those ever-jocular financial advisers (why, those rakes!) define ‘broker‘ as the state they leave you in after they flog off that d*gsh!t stock on you; ‘cash flow‘ as the movement your money makes circling the porcelain bowl before it disappears forever; ‘market correction‘ as the excuse they make after the lame stock they saddled you with finally zero’s out and gets delisted; and ‘Standard & Poor‘ as the quality ratings they’ve given the contents of your nutsack. There’s a reason you’ve earned their contempt: if you were a smart investor you wouldn’t be investing with them, would you?


Still, it comes as something of a surprise to even the most jaded observer of poly-gendered romantic liaisons, finance bedfellow-wise, when two economic systems whom one assumes to be reliably antagonistic somehow manage to embrace in sweetly amorous, respectfully pro-genitive behavior for the benefit of all mankind. O wonder! O brave new world! Perhaps it’s another case of ‘opposites attract,’ but it gives a whole new meaning to the notion of ‘capital formation’ (think about it; it’ll come).


Witness, for example, the weird and wonderful union of Socialism and Capitalism that has been enjoined with impugnity by the Northeast Investment Cooperative (NEIC), a husbandry of distinctly separate species within God’s economic animal kingdom, but one which has already offsprung powerful issue that — like the ever-stalwart but much maligned mule — is sure to have a storied history of service to humankind.


NEIC ( is the brainchild of a brainy group of Nordeast Minneapolis residents and small business owners who love their community and felt compelled to take direct action to ensure that it would continue to thrive and grow in a marvelous way. Early on, the action centered around the Eastside Food Co-op, a fixture of the Northeast community and a key contributor to the resurgent Central Avenue business district for more than a decade. In November 2011, some of Eastside’s members got together over fair-trade coffee and formed the nucleus of NEIC — a brand new kind of co-op with a brand new plan to buy, rehab and manage vacant and under-utilized commercial properties in the community and the goal of driving neighborhood redevelopment to make their community a better place to live and work.


In a nutshell, rather than allowing properties to languish empty and unused, the NEIC founders, and the owner-investors they recruited, quite literally made it their business to ensure that needed commercial redevelopment in the community would take place timely and would get done right. That, in itself, is a radical departure from the norm.


Unlike development finance models that are dependent on the goodwill of faceless investors and absentee landlords — who care nothing about the local community where they own property and are only too happy to pocket a daily Franklin from Tony the Fence, who runs the metal scrapyard where the kids go to smoke pot — NEIC comprises local residents and businesses who have a personal stake in development outcomes and for whom development finance serves as a foundation from which they can re-imagine their neighborhood in creative, sustainable and compelling ways.


Using the co-op business model, together with micro-financing obtained through inspired crowd-sourcing, NEIC recruited more than 200 individuals and businesses willing to invest $1000 each to create a capital investment fund. From the membership, they formed a board of directors that includes individuals with broad-based talents in architecture, construction, finance, business law, commercial development, and more. Then they set about finding properties to redevelop and specifically targeted the Central Avenue corridor, Nordeast’s thrumming business sector, where you can partake of many the world’s cuisines without buying a plane ticket or booking a hotel room. Seriously.


One year after it’s inception, NEIC had a capital investment fund exceeding $270,000 — sufficient to buy two empty buildings at 2504 and 2506 Central Avenue — a collective act of faith on the part of several hundred people. Then they got down to work.


More Below the Fold


Rush Limbaugh must not read the Jerusalem Post. I doubt Rush reads anything that doesn’t rubber stamp his particular version of propaganda and lies. From earlier this afternoon:

The Drive-Bys Lash Out at Bibi In fact, I’ve had people ask, “Rush, Israel is filled with Jewish … names by the New York Times, and the election is characterized as turning ugly. And it didn’t turn ugly! There weren’t any allegations of cheating.

The factual, non-propaganda story from the ‘J-Post’ is entirely different:

Likud forged recording of Kahlon support Kahlon called the recording “criminal” and asked Central Elections Committee Judge Salim Joubran to open a criminal investigation into it. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s Likud party admitted to forging a recording of Kulanu leaders Moshe Kahlon promising to support Netanyahu, according to a Kulanu spokesman. The party distributed the recording to potential voters on Monday evening, but Central Elections Committee Judge Salim Joubran ordered the group to halt using the recording at Kulanu’s request. Kahlon called the recording “criminal” and asked Joubran to open a criminal investigation into it. “We are pleased that Judge Joubran stopped the Likud from continuing to distribute this untruthful recording,” the party said. “It is sad that the LIkud party, in a moment of desperation, chooses to deceive the public.” Joubran fined the Likud NIS 20,000 over the forged recording.

And from Arutz Sheva, the national news television in Israel:

Likud Admits Misconduct in Kahlon Recording
The Likud party admitted Tuesday morning that it was indeed behind a faked recording of Moshe Kahlon which was distributed to hundreds of thousands of people Monday night. Kulanu, Kahlon’s recently established party, claimed Likud had acknowledged the misdeed in a conversation with the Central Elections Committee Chairman, Judge Salim Joubran. They claimed, however, that the tape was not misleading as voters were smart enough to realize it was an old tape. Consequently, Kulanu has turned to Joubran to open a criminal investigation against those Likud activists behind the tape’s recording, editing, and distribution. The Central Elections Committee (CEC) issued a temporary ban Monday night on Likud’s distribution of the tape, which features the former Likud minister putting his support behind Likud and Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu during the 2013 elections.

While Likud hoped that by persuading their radical conservative base that Kahlon no longer OPPOSED Likud and Netanyahu in the 2015 election. And Netanyahu and Likud still NEED Kahlon to form a coalition government. The robo-call fraud is likely to have only FURTHERED the opposition of Kahlon rather than encouraged cooperation with them. If that proves to be the case, then Netanyahu may very well have won the election — and lost the government and the office of Prime Minister.

One of my ongoing objections to conservatives has been, whether US or foreign, they embrace short term gain at the expense of prudent and successful, rational, long term governance, as well as their willingness to compete dishonestly.


Congress has its own email problem

by Eric Ferguson on March 18, 2015 · 0 comments

An AP reporter did some digging and found out Congress doesn’t have any rules for saving official email.

Members of Congress who are demanding Hillary Rodham Clinton’s emails are largely exempt from such scrutiny themselves.
Congress makes its own rules. It never has subjected itself to open records laws that force agencies such as the State Department to maintain records and turn them over to the public when asked.
There’s also no requirement for members of Congress to use official email accounts, or to retain, archive or store their emails, while in office or after.
That’s in contrast to the White House and the rest of the executive branch. Official emails there are supposed to be retained, though the controversy over Clinton’s use of a personal email account while secretary of state has exposed vague and inconsistent requirements from one agency to another.
But if the rules at federal agencies are unclear, at least there are rules. On Capitol Hill, there are almost none.
So the same House Republicans who are subpoenaing Clinton’s emails as part of their inquiry into the Benghazi, Libya, attacks are not required to retain emails of their own for future inspection by anyone.



Isn’t the threat of axe beheading
voter intimidation?

Israel has been increasingly an intolerant, racist apartheid-practicing  theocracy rather than a genuine democracy.  Palestinians comprise >20% of the population, with a higher birth rate than other demographic groups, yet they are consistently under-represented  in both the Knesset and in the Israeli court system.


In the face of looking likely to lose the election, conservatives are lashing out against anyone who dares to vote their preference rather than conforming to the increasingly militant and extremist right, including Likud, reminiscent of southern Jim Crow.  Netanyahu and the Israeli Jewish conservatives long have been accused of bigotry and apartheid conduct.  As noted here, from noted professor and middle east expert Juan Cole via Truth Dig:

Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, under extreme pressure over the real possibility that he will lose the March 17 elections, has made a powerful appeal to his far right wing constituency by openly admitting that he will never allow a Palestinian state and that he intends to flood Israeli squatters into East Jerusalem and its environs to make sure this Occupied territory never returns to the Palestinians.

Millions of Palestinians whose families were violently expelled from their homes by Jewish settlers in Mandate Palestine in 1947-48 remain stateless.  These include the people of Gaza, the West Bank (four million) and a million or more in diasporas in Lebanon, Syria, and other countries.  A million Palestinians are now citizens in Israel, and others have rights of citizenship in far-flung places like Chile and Honduras, as well as the United States.  But I figure five million at least remain stateless.

The Palestinians are the last major stateless population.  Stateless people do not have rights as most people understand the term.  Their situation in some ways resembles slavery, since slaves also were denied the rights of citizenship.  Stateless people’s property is insecure, since people with citizenship rights have better access to courts and to ruling authorities.  Palestinians never really know what they own, and Israeli squatters routinely steal their property with impunity.  Squatters dig tube wells deeper than those of the Palestinian villagers, lowering aquifers and causing Palestinian wells to dry up.  Squatters go on wilding attacks, chopping down entire olive orchards (a prime source of Palestinian income) or beating up Palestinians.  If Palestinians assemble peacefully to protest the loss of their farms to ever-expanding squatter settlements, the Israel army arrests them, including, often, children, who are taken away from their families and put in jail. Palestinians can be held for long periods without being charged.  The prisoners are sometimes tortured.
Netanyahu and the Israeli right-of-center say they want to keep Palestinians homeless and without citizenship rights in a state because they fear a Palestinian state will make claims on Israel and present a security challenge. Netanyahu said Sunday that if Israel relinquished the West Bank it would become a bastion of Muslim radicalism (but West Bankers are substantially more secular than the Jewish population of West Jerusalem).

But in fact, Netanyahu and the right are dedicated to Greater Israel, to annexing the West Bank territory and finding a way to expel the Palestinians from it. The Palestinians are not a security challenge– they are like the guard at a bank getting in the way of bank robbers. The bank robbers feel a need to knock him out or kill him, remove him from the scene.

But it is shameful to have Israel preside over 4 million stateless people forever. This is Apartheid.

So far today we have these accounts of threats and intimidation reported from Israeli news media and US media.


From the AP via MSN:

Meanwhile, police said they arrested an Israeli soldier on suspicion of incitement of violence. The soldier wrote on Facebook that if a leftist were to rise to power, the soldier would follow in the footsteps of Israeli extremist Yigal Amir, who assassinated dovish Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin in 1995.


and we have threats of right wing Jews beheading Palestinian Israelis as well, from Haaretz, by way of the ibtimes:

Lieberman, leader of the Yisrael Beitenu party that is based on Russian immigrants, has a long record of inflammatory statements toward Arab Israelis, including a recent comment that suggested Israeli Arabs with sympathies toward Palestinian Authority be beheaded. “Those who are with us deserve everything, but those who are against us deserve to have their heads chopped off with an ax,” he said last week. (bold is my emphasis added – DG)

The Zionist Union, a center-left alliance between the Labor and Hatnuah parties that represents Likud’s main opposition, said Netanyahu’s statement amounted to racism. “No other Western leader would dare utter such a racist remark,” wrote high-ranking Zionist Union member Shelly Yachimovich on Twitter, according to the New York Times. “Imagine a warning that starts, ‘Our rule is in danger, black voters are streaming in quantity to the polling stations.’”

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47 Backstabbers: The Treachery of Ambitious Men

by Invenium Viam on March 14, 2015 · 1 comment

A businesswoman hiding a knife in her backCaesar: Who is it in the press that calls on me? I hear a tongue shriller than all the music, cry “Caesar!”
            Speak; Caesar is turn’d to hear.

Soothsayer: Beware the Ides of March.

        Act 1: Scene 2; Julius Caesar


As much as the GOP’s Ministry of Propaganda, Fox News, tries desperately to deflect attention away the #47Traitors story and minimize the on-going damage it is doing to conservative causes, they’ve had no success. The story won’t go away.


One indication that the story remains incandescent with the public is the petition filed at the official website demanding federal indictments. Last Monday, March 9, a petition was posted asking the Obama Administration to file felony charges under the Logan Act against the 47 senators who signed the letter:

Petition: File charges against the 47 U.S. Senators in violation of The Logan Act in attempting to undermine a nuclear agreement.

On March 9th, 2015, forty-seven United States Senators committed a treasonous offense when they decided to violate the Logan Act, a 1799 law which forbids unauthorized citizens from negotiating with foreign governments. Violation of the Logan Act is a felony, punishable under federal law with imprisonment of up to three years.

At a time when the United States government is attempting to reach a potential nuclear agreement with the Iranian government, 47 Senators saw fit to instead issue a condescending letter to the Iranian government stating that any agreement brokered by our President would not be upheld once the president leaves office.

This is a clear violation of federal law. In attempting to undermine our own nation, these 47 senators have committed treason.


The requirement to ensure a response from the administration is 100,000 signatures in month, or by April 8th.


The petition blew through that 100,000 threshold in a matter of hours and, as of this posting, stands at 285,900 signatures. In order to sign the petition, you have to provide your email address and you must confirm it via a separate confirmation email. So it’s a multi-step process — not a simple first name/last name form entry — that nearly 300,000 Americans of all political stripes across the country have undertaken.


The petition appears to be gaining momentum. Based on its current run rate, it’s at least possible that it could top two million signatures by April 8. Think of that: two million Americans demanding that felony charges be levied against their own elected leaders in that most exclusive club, the US Senate.


That by itself is a newsworthy story and will keep the treachery of the Gang of 47 simmering in the public’s consciousness for at least another month. Every time the petition reaches a new milestone in the number of signatures – 500,000 - 750,0001,000,0001,250,000 — the story will rise again to break the surface in the public consciousness like some ancient, horrid crocodile in the local pond.


If that turns out to be the case, then Republicans will never again be able to drape themselves in the flag and claim the moral high-ground of a self-righteous and self-referencing patriotism in debates over foreign policy and particularly as they relate to matters of war and peace.


That claim will be forever tainted by the shocking faithlessness of 47 small men and women, who should have at least tried to be as big as their office — but failed.
Comment below fold.

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This guy wants to be president #47Traitors edition

by Eric Ferguson on March 12, 2015 · 1 comment

clowncarIf you don’t know what #47traitors refers to, it was a top trending hashtag in Twitter recently, refering to the 47 Republican senators who signed a letter to the Iranian government telling them not to work with Obama, because the next Republican president is going to undo the agreement, and executive agreements don’t mean anything anyway. The newly minted senator leading Republican senators by the nose when they should know better, Tom Cotton of Arkansas, responded to the ensuing controversy by asking the Republican presidential candidates to sign on. Four responded positively, so far. With a quadruple hat tip to TPM, Rick Perry and Bobby Jindal said they would sign. Scott Walker and Jeb Bush did a bit of fudging, not signing themselves, but offering excuses for those who did. Looks like those two want it both ways, being able to tell conservatives that sabotaging a president’s negotiations with a foreign government is OK, but being able to deny to swing voters that they signed.
That’s on top of the senators who signed and look inclined to run for president: Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and Marco Rubio. There are no senators who appear to be running who had the sense to not sign.

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Early Symptoms of ODS

In a heartbreaking confession of mental incompetence, Senator John “Country First” McCain broke down on the floor of the Senate chamber today and admitted he’s been suffering from a long-term mental illness.


“For anyone who still questions whether Obama Derangement Syndrome, or ODS, is real,” a sobbing McCain told fellow senators in a querulous voice today, “you need to look no further than me for living proof. Fortunately, my psychiatrist tells me that with a long rest and various medications I can expect to make a full recovery. As long as there are no black people around to upset me.”


Apparently realizing that his last remark was somewhat incendiary, McCain attempted to clarify what he meant. “It’s just … it’s just … I still can’t believe I got beat in a presidential election by that skinny black kid from Chicago!” he moaned.


The unspoken motivation behind McCain’s admission is the recent letter to Iran’s leadership by 47 Republican senators now universally reviled as the infamous ‘Gang of 47.’  “I used to say ‘Politics ends at the water’s edge’ and I meant it,” McCain continued. “Then that know-nothing dipsh*t Tom Cotton stuck that godd*mn Iran letter under my nose. My political instincts just evaporated and something inside me couldn’t resist. I was too confused to see the danger and I signed it. The need to lash out against Obama is just so … overwhelming. It’s all because of Obama Derangement Syndrome and, my friends, it’s real. A lot of my fellow Republicans have it. Forty-seven of us, in fact. We joke about getting cotton-mouth from gnawing at the bedsheets while we sleep.”


With that, Senator Lindsey Graham rushed to the podium to help his distressed friend. Draping his arm over McCain’s shoulders and whispering quietly in his ear, he was able to coax the aging senator back to his seat where other Republican senators quickly surrounded him to prevent CSPAN cameras from recording what appeared to observers present there to be a series of petit mal seizures with incontinence.


“It’s sad, really” Senator Graham told reporters afterward. “My friend John McCain was once a revered national hero and a prominent statesman. Because of this terrible disease, ODS, he’s degenerated into an embittered, emotionally fragile old man who no longer has a dependable grip on reality. ”


Reporters then asked whether Senator Graham’s recent remark that he would, as president, ‘… literally use the military… ” to prevent Congress from leaving town, should it fail to vote on various spending bills, might also indicate a break with reality. Senator Graham responded, “I’ll leave that to the voters of Virginia to decide. We don’t all of us 47 traitors suffer from ODS, regardless  of what John just told you.”


When a reporter pointed out that Senator Graham represents South Carolina, not Virginia, and that he had just referred to himself as a traitor, he evaded the question by quickly dodging into a nearby elevator.


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